DO I MISS YOU???

Her departure was as sudden as the first meeting!!!!

I did say the goodbyes with a very heavy heart after all our relationship had lasted 25 years and now I had to bid her adieu. I was not sure if she too felt the same way, for I knew that she would find someone like me or better than me sooner or later. The memories of the first meeting as with any love affair still fresh in my mind……

I had just enrolled myself to the engineering college. The campus, the institute, made my parents swell with pride that their son made it and was on course for a successful life having taken the first step towards being a professional. The days of protected environs at home over. I was now alone with a whole new world unraveling before me. I had a new set of friends from diverse backgrounds.

It was during one of those gatherings, where you try to get to know each other that I met her and saw from close quarters for the first time. I cannot say it was love at first sight. Neither did she vie for my attention. In retrospect I think it was that attitude of her’s what made her desirable. She mixed freely with the guys and each one had a star in their eyes while she was with them.

Then on that fateful day I broke the ice with her, surprisingly she was more than willing to accept me and thus began our long story together.

Innumerable moments were shared together. Times of joy and sorrow. At successes and failures. In a group or all alone. We cherished each others company. I surely did. I longed to be with her and looked for every opportunity with her.

Many times some of my friends would tell me that She is not worthy of me and I would resent. Some said I am draining my resources on her and that she does not care but I could not believe it. I loved her more and even when her demands kept going up I gave in always. After all, love is not calculated by the color of money.

My mother came to know about my affair with her from some family friend (I really did not understand what business they had in prying into my personal life). Coming from a traditional family this was blasphemy and my mother confronted me on the affair. I had to admit, because I never lie. She was heartbroken. For her sake, for my mother’s sake I kept all discussion concerning her away. Even if her name came up during talks I skirted them wisely.

Before marriage my wife asked if I had anything to confess and I told her about my affair with her, my liking for her, but surprisingly she accepted her. I do not really know if it was a challenge she took up or believed that she would wean me away from her over a period of time. Discussions about her would come up once in a while and she was not the same as before. Wife dearest no longer accepted her as she used to before marriage.

Slowly I kept her away from my wife, But the more she was away, the more the desire to reach out to her.

Over period of time I heard stories about her that she never cared for anyone. I asked myself one day, that, if this was true, how she could care for me then… Was this long long love story a one sided one. Even though my head believed it, my heart was not ready to. After all we had spend such great deal of time together all of that unconditional love.

I knew and realized that I was not the only one in her life. I heard and saw how she did not care for others who perished because of her but she would not care a damn!!

Oh my God!!! Is she the one really for me? I asked this question again and again. In the past so many times I tried to stay away from her but could not. I would, like her other lovers of her go back crawling to her.

But today as I was on the threshold of a new age era in life I asked myself what I would gift myself this birthday… what is it that I want… I could not think of any…

Then!!! Instead of getting something I decided to give up. I decided that I shall not have anything to do with her. All the money that i spend on her, I would rather spend on a noble cause, maybe for a poor child or for any other noble cause but would not spend on her…

Twenty five years after I first courted my affair with her I gave her up…. I gave up smoking!

But I know she is around waiting to have a go at me once again… I shall resist, she will have a go at you too… not sure if you can resist too. She is charming, she has style she has panache.. But is she good enough for you????

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